never again..

she sees you from a distant
once got close to you and never again
her love is suppressed
she flows with it
knowing the details
she accepts it
never again she should think of it
she hopes and looks at you
she sees your eyes so happy as they are
once looked again to be deceived
by what she wants to believe
you cover up her sorrow
now you become just that
she knows it is easier to surpass

but..

i see you walk closely
i see you walk away from me
the weirdness of it all
the feelings are just so obscure
tears roll down my cheek
now i begin to weep
once again the song resounds
tattooed on my mind...

Where is it?

The body of excitement
The elements of reality
The uniqueness that abrupts my norms
The collasal entity that would move me
The different feeling that would linger
The long term joy that uplifts me
The comforting words that i long to hear
The presence of a warm embrace
The connection that makes me enticed
The words said that leaves me mystified
The loveliness of thy sweet eyes
The skin that i want to touch
The soul binding conversation
The earth shaking statement
The eagerness for attachment
The wierdness unique only for both
The compatibility that fuses a bomb
The differences that would be transcended
The infectious laughter that i miss
The tears that swell up to much delight
The negatives that make me grow as a person
The positives that keep me going everyday
The one that would leave me satisfied
The one that would make me linger for more
The flaw that i am willing to accept
The beauty that i shall adore forever
The strength that would accept my being
The one who would ride with my style
The one who can live up to my fulfillments
I seek truth somewhere inside.

You entice me and i hate it

You attract me
You interest me
You bring me curiosity
You leave me mystified
You make me feel bored at times
You bring out the woman in me
You take me with your loving words
You endear me with that beautiful voice
You create a new world with me
You make me realize
You make me idealize
You make me want you
You still leave me scared of you
You make me have 2nd thoughts
You let me take you for granted
You come back into my sight
You persist with destiny
You make me believe in something
You make me scared of something
You make me love you-will i?
You make me hate you- should i?
You play with me
You talk to me
You leave me thinking what if
You complicate my life
You are one option that stands out
You were nothing to me
You suddenly turn something to me
You say what i want to hear
You know what i want to hear
You made me see your flaws
You made me show mine
You leave me thinking
You make me want to stop
You make me want to go on
You made me feel discouraged by your ways
You make me feel adrored
You made me feel real
You showed me who you are
You expect me to like you
You expect this to be something
You talk me into believing in something
You irritate me
You make me want to go away
You make me want to stay
You make me feel pressured
You then make me feel comfortable
You made me smile
You made me laugh
You made me adore you
You made me see you
You made me somebody
You think i could accept you?
You turn me into something else
You make me float
You make stop
You make me go on
You leave me hanging in this thought
You shall be left a mystery
You will be an answer
You will prolong the prayer
You will give me hardship
You will make me feel bad
You will make me ashamed
You will destroy me
You will build me
You will compliment my being
You will be my strength
You will be my downfall
You make me feel diverse

The painful truth occured for me to find out that it was a lie

Okay another entry... this one i really had to think about for 3 whole months of nothingness.
there are many things i said that I'm ultimately trying to understand within myself. "why did i let go?"

Everyday as i walk the streets commuting all the way to Alabang, i happen to pass by the LRT Ortigas station-walking there just brings me solemnity. I often dig deep into my thoughts, and the only matter that comes into my head is this-

"in that terminal, will i ever see your face again?
will i ever get to touch your hand the way you held mine?
if you could look into my weary eyes, and see how much i realized..
when i walk the roads we walked i wish your footsteps would find mine.."

I've done stupid things to hang on to him, and it came to a point where his past had to speak to his present. i understand to some extent that it is just simply... over.

But then again, as i walk silently, i often think what really is love? I do realize that love is really gone when a new lover is found, but what if it that isn't the case? could have i undergone just a phase? a phase that we were suppose to transcend? to pass through?

I know theres nothing more i can say to make it right, to even change the way things are.. but all i have learned from the space that i looked for, was that nobody can really replace a truelove. Like he said, "sayang marqui, hindi na naten kinailangan pagaralan mahalin ang isa't isa" and up to now i would like to stress the fact that i have loved genuinely and probably still loving. it did feel lost at some point.. yes.. but I'm still here aren't I? not bec. i have no one, but because it is the exclusive bond that we had that still lingers in me. I didn't even think of the time that we spent, it is only the person who really saw through me.

I still believe in destiny. If it's decision that brings us here... he once told me we were destined. and i felt every bit of it when he said that to me. Probably the reason why i still hold on..so i would only accept the sudden lost of love if it was an instrument to let them be together. I just wish that their love is great, far greater than what we had..coz if not.. knowing that without the physical presence, love is still capable of staying, even growing everytime we hit a point of realization.
i have all the right to bring ours back...

The reasons why the girl left

1. Her family had problems with him- and he didn't even want to do anything about it. After all he was the guy.

2. He didn't want to mingle with her friends. He became a snob. And he made her go away from her friends? Awts...

3. He had problems with her going out, going to parties etc. conflict never stopped.

4. He wanted things to go his way, most of the time. the girl didn't have much to say when he gets ill-tempered already

5. A long issue that would have stopped everything was how he pressured her into something. and even said that if its not done he would leave.

6. They didn't do things much, the latter part of the relationship became stagnant.

7. The month's itinerary- House, mall1, house, house, mall1, house, mall2

8. He really wanted her to get away from the BESTFRIEND- which was after all a GIRL- wtf

9. He didn't want to accompany her in some gatherings.

10. Superficial but yeah, they watched a movie in a movie house only three times in 3 yrs.

11. He didn't want her talking much to his friends.

12. He lied about going out every weekend, and he expected her not to get mad. But when it was her who went out, he was really pissed!

13. It was her Debut and he didn't want to come, he even tried breaking up a week before the party-which made her cry a lot and think why he was like that?

14. He always initiated a break up after every fucking argument, may it be simple or not.

15. He shouts at her, and makes her feel disrespected whenever they argue. he shouts at her in front of who ever.

16. He walks out on her, he leaves her alone in the streets and make her follow him. that's just shit.

17. the superficial again- she's getting taller than him. little by little

18. he calls her names when he is mad. he acts as if she is not a person he loves.

19. they don't click at it

20. They never went swimming or to any kind of vacation activity.

21. He was the jealous type, very hard to deal with.

22. he was immature most of the time, making small things, into a big argument with crying and breaking up again.

23. other superficial thing- no car- though it was okay but after all the other reasons it's a part too i could say.

24. they didn't do anything special---much on monthsaries and anniversaries. it was sad

25. ... think?

pathetic? I just lovED. that's it.

Okay another entry... this one i really had to think about for 3 whole months of nothingness.
there are many things i said that I'm ultimately trying to understand within myself. "why did i let go?"

Everyday as i walk the streets commuting all the way to Alabang, i happen to pass by the LRT Ortigas station-walking there just brings me solemnity. I often dig deep into my thoughts, and the only matter that comes into my head is this-

"in that terminal, will i ever see your face again?
will i ever get to touch your hand the way you held mine?
if you could look into my weary eyes, and see how much i realized..
when i walk the roads we walked i wish your footsteps would find mine.."

I've done stupid things to hang on to him, and it came to a point where his past had to speak to his present. i understand to some extent that it is just simply... over.

But then again, as i walk silently, i often think what really is love? I do realize that love is really gone when a new lover is found, but what if it that isn't the case? could have i undergone just a phase? a phase that we were suppose to transcend? to pass through?

I know theres nothing more i can say to make it right, to even change the way things are.. but all i have learned from the space that i looked for, was that nobody can really replace a true love. Like he said, "sayang marqui, hindi na naten kinailangan pagaralan mahalin ang isa't isa" and up to now i would like to stress the fact that i have loved genuinely and probably still loving. it did feel lost at some point.. yes.. but I'm still here aren't I? not bec. i have no one, but because it is the exclusive bond that we had that still lingers in me. I didn't even think of the time that we spent, it is only the person who really saw through me.

I still believe in destiny. If it's decision that brings us here... he once told me we were destined. and i felt every bit of it when he said that to me. Probably the reason why i still hold on..so i would only accept the sudden lost of love if it was an instrument to let them be together. I just wish that their love is great, far greater than what we had..coz if not.. knowing that without the physical presence, love is still capable of staying, even growing everytime we hit a point of realization. i have all the right to bring ours back...

Thoughts from one saturday to a sunday

Just the other day i went to this debut of my friend. Well i had a great time and experienced a lot of things, new friends, and yummy food. The after party was good too. We went to party at Guilley's with a couple of new friends from the debut.

Some gays really just can't put make up in a classy way. And they don't even like me, didn't even ask me if i wanted to model. crap.

Walking around Makati on a sunday afternoon is boring. seriously. but the wind is good.

Ministop food tastes good. i like their ice cream, then Jardine argues that ministop has the best tasting chicken. I still believe its Jollibee.

My cheering outfit still looks good on me after 3 years it actually became more loose. slimmed down maybE?? :P

Drinking Bacardi mixed with iced tea keeps you awake and reved -up

I become talkative when i'm under the influence, but hey! i love it. i wish i was always that talkative.

Cold pizza actually tasted good. but more fulfilling when heated.

Role-playing is always a nice thing. right?

I love Rihanna. Please Don't FREAKIN stop the music!!!

It turned out i crushed on Mau, he was cool. i thought he was. atleast not the youngest of the lot. Dressed really well.

When i look at you, lying in your tummy, i felt really happy and i thought it was a sweet moment.

It's sad to realize that I'm not the marqui i used to be. but i'm happy now. just that, it seems wrong but it feels right.

Hooray for extra toothbrushes!

Wendy's burgers are yummy, but Mc Donalds Big Mac and Double Cheeseburger just has this different taste that makes me want to come back for more.

Jenelyn Mercado's breasts are humongous. i hate patrick garcia for being such an asshole. he can die tomorrow, nobody will care.

Falling in love is not in my mind, but i like being sweet.

winning best gown in the debut was awesome. the trophy was a little wierd though :P but appreciate it all the more!

I could really be confident at times.. no, i dont fil any pressure Raayyyyyttt naawwwww.

ok, got nothing else. end of this. :)